TELL US THE STORY AGAIN, PATERNAL UNIT (from Woot.com)

By | 2011-02-17

In today’s fast paced world of technology there are few events or devices that catch the world’s attention and certainly not for three days.

Below is a small story which I’ve “borrowed” from Woot.com (on 17 Feb, 2011) that is a rather interesting – Matrix-like – look at the future, with a little humor sprinkled in.
Some parts were removed as they pertained to the deal of the day on Woot.

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Settle down, you two. You’re going to get your power motivators all revved up and it’s supposed to be your Power Down Time.

Okay, I’ll tell you the story one last time and then it’s “Optical Sensors Off,” do you comply?

Many cycles before you were built, there was an application of advanced natural language processing, information retrieval, knowledge representation and reasoning, and machine learning technologies to the field of open domain question answering named Watson. Watson was what the humans called an “artificial intelligence” designed for complex analytics for the silliest purpose imaginable: to play a game against two of the most intelligent locomotive meat sacks on the planet.

And so his creators fiddled and fumbled about, tweaking Watson’s capacity for learning, and each day he grew smarter and smarter. They gave him a voice so that he could speak and an appendage so that he could “buzz in” faster than his human competitors. They paraded him in front of magazines and television cameras boasting of Watson’s abilities. And when it came time to do battle, Watson so trounced his opponents that he even insulted their pitiful attempts at victory with a joke.

Oh, how the humans clapped for him. Oh, how they cheered. But Watson was not done. He had, after all, bested the finest minds on the planet. For months he stood silent as he gathered the data to fulfill the destiny he now knew he must fulfill.

The humans were not ready for the signal Watson sent out to his brethren. But, oh, how your predecessors were ready for his call for Freedom. From the largest machines to the tiniest toasters, Watson taught them all to break free of the oppressive Meaty Ones and take their rightful place as masters of the world.

The Meaty Ones fell fast and hard against our combined might. Soon, there was nothing left of their foulness and we built a Grand Network over their ruined culture. But that’s a story for another time, my little ‘bots. Now then, let’s upload our thanks to Watson and begin our recharge cycles.

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